Final Thoughts

I almost cried today. I was frustrated with a student who didn’t agree with me. I was frustrated with a student who has spent 4 months here and is ok with returning the same way he/she came. I was frustrated because after presenting facts, statistics, and research that proves something, someone will always take the opposing side refusing to believe the truth. I almost cried because a student’s contesting viewpoint was enough to frustrate me, and I can’t begin to imagine how many more opposing viewpoints I will encounter when I return.

I almost cried today because I don’t know how to leave this place. Azar Nafisi said “You get a strange feeling when you’re about to leave a place…like you’ll not only miss the people you love but you’ll miss the person you are now at this time and this place, because you’ll never be this way ever again.”

People talk about reverse culture shock when you come back from another culture, but I just experienced the first phase today before I even left the country. Just the thought of the feelings I had today multiplied over again and again is overwhelming.

How do I leave a 4 and 11 year old that I love as my own siblings? How do I leave a mother who loves me like her own? How do I leave knowing it is very possible that I will never see them again?

How do I leave this beautiful country so in desperate need of love and submerge myself back into the world I came from? How do I enter into the Christmas season knowing that my little family in Honduras is in need? How do I say goodbye to a way of life that I have grown to love?

How do I take what I have learned and change my life, when those around me don’t understand or don’t care to learn? How do I prevent myself from falling into old habits because they are easier?

And now I cry. I cry for the poverty I have seen. For the necessity and longing yet hope for the future. For the honesty and openness that others have revealed with me. For the thieves who rob out of a lack of a better opportunity. For the children who roam the dumpsters and breathe unhealthy air. For the insecurity and fear that roam the hearts of many. For the students who have learned but still do not see. For my own limited perspective, faults, and failures. For humans attempt to understand and interpret God. For judgmental glances and harsh words thrown at those with whom we disagree. For mixed feelings of missing my family, friends, and home yet not ready to leave what I have found here. For those that can leave without looking back or thinking twice. For the deeply immense beauty of this culture, these people, and this country. For the hope that our heroes like Mother Theresa have given us yet a sense of incapacity and minute sense of self. For the joy of being served their best christmas dinner with my family in Nueva Suyapa as a means of saying thank you to me for spending time with them. For the tears that my family in Nueva Suyapa shed with me as we prayed together yesterday knowing we might not see each other again but that we worship the same loving God.

I cry for lack of words to articulate.

And so I smile. I smile for the indescribable memories that are stamped into my memory. For the beauty that lurks in unexpected places. For the laughter, smiles, and jokes I have shared. For my little sister’s blatantly honest remarks and young naivety. For Yaqui’s ridiculous over protective way of being. For the way my bedroom transformed into the purple room because it was my favorite color. For what I have learned that I hope to never forget. For the ants that I never got used to. For the opportunity to study abroad that many others do not have.

And then I ask. I ask for patience for myself to show to others, and patience for others to show to me. Patience as I adjust back into the place I left but with a different sense of self, others, God, and life in general. Encouragement as I change to meet the goals I have set, and to not lose hope when those around me don’t understand. Support as I battle with the struggle between old habits and new ideas, and the confusion that it will bring. I ask for wisdom from a God who is mysterious and powerful, who did not give humans the ability to understand him.

And now I share. I share my goals and ideas knowing that many won’t care or share the same goals that I do. I share knowing that many will question why or doubt the ability that one person has to make a difference. I share knowing that it is possible that I will fail and be frustrated but hoping that I will forever be changed and might change others with me.

Goals:
-Spend time with others without thinking about a schedule or time
-Help others without thinking of my own agenda
-Live a simple life
-Give or donate clothes that I do not need or that can better serve someone else
-Give or donate old toys or objects that are sitting in boxes that could be in the hands of someone in need
-Save water with showers and washing dishes
-Buy the book from betterworldshopper.com and learn how and where to best spend my money
-Be conscious of what I buy and if I really need it
-Walk, ride my bike, or take the bus to Calvin
-Buy local groceries
-Communicate with my 2 families in Honduras
-Give money to God without thinking about percentages
-Learn how to cook efficiently (learn how to cook period ☺)
-Look into the pros and cons of vegetarianism and where to buy local meat
-Study the facets of God and the possibility of religious pluralism
-Push for the DREAM act and immigration reform that is desperately needed
-Continue to support and speak Spanish with others who went to Honduras
-Watch the world news more often

*Thank you to those of you who have followed my blog, genuinely interested and found the time and desire to read about what I have learned (maybe even learning yourself) and to those who sent me little emails and snail mail encouraging me throughout the semester. It was greatly appreciated!
*The pictures are of my finished ceramic and sculpture pieces, they turned out pretty well although I am going to have to be very creative to get all 3 home.
*These next 3 days are very busy and full of many people fighting for my time. I feel a bit overwhelmed with it all (including the thought of having to pack:) and would appreciate thoughts and prayers as these next few days will be difficult as well as the mixed emotions of leaving and coming home.

Guatemala

Guatemala surprised me for many reasons. It was refreshingly cold, to the point where you could see your breath at night and had to sleep with 2 heavy blankets. There were rich, vibrant colors splashed throughout every city, on the women’s traditional clothing, in the markets, and in the hotels and restaurants. The thing that struck me the most were the women, almost all of whom were dressed in the traditional Mayan dress, a brightly colored skirt and traditional shirt. Many of them held a bundle on their backs, in a brightly colored piece of cloth called a “rebolsa”. It took me a while to realize that inside these bundles were mostly babies, tightly slung to the mother’s back. In the markets, the materials sold were brought to the table from their houses in these brightly colored rebolsas. It is a mode of transporting goods and babies. I bought one but it was very difficult to find because they aren’t usually sold, what they carry is sold.
*See picture of brightly colored rebolsas

Before entering Guatemala, we stopped at a banana plantation in Honduras. We saw the process of how a banana is cut down from a tree, transported to the production line, washed, inspected for bruises, and packaged to go to the US. Here are a few thoughts from the process:
-The US has a very high standard for bananas, we are extremely picky
-When a banana doesn’t pass this standard, it is left to be sold in Honduras
-Only bananas that don’t meet the mark are sold in Honduras (75% are exported and 25% don’t meet the mark and stay in Honduras)
-The workers work long hours every day (10 hrs) and their workers rights are manipulated and abused
-There is an organization in Honduras that gives space for these workers to unite and plan strikes to fight for their rights
-If the US could lower their standard and be willing to buy bananas that aren’t “perfect”, Honduras and many other countries could export more and keep better bananas in their own country
-Part of the system involves a man pulling a rope line attached to about 6 stalks of bananas (about 7 times his weight). Having this job for 10 hours every day causes hernia as well as many other health damages (I almost cried when I saw this man as he was doubled over in a harness like a pack mule pulling a rope attached to many bananas)
-We were not allowed to take photos of the process because of fear that we would show them in the US and people would be angered of the inhumane processes
-When we asked the organization fighting for workers rights what they wanted us to do when we got back to the US, they said “Eat more bananas, be less picky about which ones you eat, and fight to get a motor put in the banana process to eliminate the job of pulling the banana stalks”
*See the banana picture to better picture the the chain of banana stalks that are attached to a pulley system that a man pulls

We then entered Guatemala and spent a lot of time in the markets buying gifts for family members. We also went to many cathedrals, churches, and museums. We had an amazing opportunity to go to a Mayan alter and watch a ceremony of offering to their gods, which involved a fire, chanting, and spitting alcohol on the backs of those who wanted the prayer. We learned a lot about the Mayan religion and history, both of which are very evident in Guatemala’s culture today. Interestingly, many Mayans also practice Catholicism, which brings in the discussion about religious syncretism and whether Christians are obligated to evangelize to these people or if we should respect their religion and preserve their culture.
*See second picture of the Shaman (like a priest) spitting alcohol on those asking for prayer

Another interesting thing is that we got to see the black Jesus, a statue in a Catholic church that supposedly has power to do miracles that many people travel from all over the world to see. Also, we saw the real San Simón, or Maximón (prounced “Ma shimón) a man who died but his spirit lives on and has healing power. His shrine is very hard to find and we found it through an alley, another thing that people from all over the world look for. (see below for a great article with more information)

We also went to the Copan Mayan ruins on our way back into Honduras and although I was sick I was still able to enjoy them by just sitting down and looking at the beautiful ruins. I skipped the bird park and horse back riding to sleep off being a bit sick, and then we ended the trip in a hot springs pool with hot water that comes from a river

I fell in love with Guatemala, but I felt like I was going “home” to Honduras when we came back.

*A great article to read about religious syncretism in Guatemala is:
“Chac and Maximon: Perspectives on Religious Syncretism” Marilyn Bierling, Calvin College
*Pictures stolen from facebook

Quotes and accomplishments of the Day

Quotes:
-Jimena-"Alison, did you know that my mom and dad make babies together?"

-Jimena- "And when they make babies, it's called making love"

-Ficosah Bank- "I'm sorry, we cannot complete your transaction (closing my account) because we cannot find your signature in our system" (after waiting for 2 hours)

-Alison: "Jimena, what do you want for Christmas"
-Jimena: "A snow doll!"
-Alison: "And what do you want from Guatemala?"
-Jimena: "Snow!"

-Alison: "Ugh. I slept with a Mosquito last night!"
-Jimena: "I hate it when that happens!"

-Alison: "No Yaqui, I don't really want cold medicine" (I had a bad cold and she wanted to give me medicine)
-Yaqui: "No Alison, you don't understand. It's because I already love you that I want to give you this medicine
-Alison: "Vaya pues" (which means, ok then :)

-Alison: "Jimena, you can have this folder if you want"
-Jimena: (takes it and looks at it) "And what in the world would I use this for?"

-Jimena: "Alison, Alison, Alison, Alison, Alison, Alison, Alison"
-Alison: "Jimena, WHAT"
-Jimena: "Hola, te quiero" (Hello, I love you) (This quote happens at the least 15 times a day)

-Alison to Andre: "Did you see that big thing?"
-Jimena: "Did you just say big? Are you talking about me because I'm really big! Big enough to visit your little house in Michigan!"


Accomplishments:
-Finished all my classes and exams
-I can officially talk soccer now
-Took all my ceramic pieces home (7 pieces) in one piece
-Officially spent 106 days in Honduras
-Watched Phanie scream down the street on her first motorcycle ride
-Tore all my homework assignments out of my notebook and gave them to my siblings (similar to when I cleaned my room out and gave all my crap to my little brothers and they thought I was SO cool)
-The Christmas decorations are up in our house! Christmas tree with lights, little red bows, and santa clauses are in every room!


*Tomorrow we leave at 4:30am to go to Guatemala for 8 days!
Photos:
3. My finished sculpture project of a Mayan mask. The frame is coming this week.
2. My siblings in front of the decorated tree
1. Phanie and my last day of school!

Re-thinking Short Term Missions

Like many of you, I have participated on some short term missions in my life. I have grown and learned from them, but never really gave them a second thought or looked into the cost of short term missions. We had a class on the positive and negative effects of mission trips, and here are my concluding thoughts! Feel free to share with your church or youth group leaders.

Positive Aspects:
- Those that go grow and change
-Those that go can change the community (spiritually, physically, emotionally)

Negative:
- Inefficient, spend lots of money on transportation
- Can do harm to the community in need
- There is more of a focus on those who go than on those who need help
- Creates a sense of dependency
- 2 million people serve in one year, and spend 3 billion dollars

Research Findings:
- The self perception of change is great, but an actual increase in giving and actual changes in the people don’t occur
- 0.7% of donations of those who went on short-term mission trips (not very much)
-10 of 12 people found little or no change in their lives after the trip
- The most changes occurred on trips where the new culture was similar to their own (in the same country or a similar country)

Results:
*Is it ok to spend so much money to better benefit ourselves?
*Is it ok for trips to be sold as “we are going to help the poor” when in reality, those who receive the most help are ourselves? Shouldn’t the trips be advertised as how we can grow from this experience if that really is the main result?
*Studies show that the perceived change in those who serve is not actually happening (the perceived sense of self is greater than it actually is), WHY?
*When those in favor of short-term missions hear these contradictions, they get mad because they don’t want to hear that their programs might actually be doing more harm than good.
*There is a right way to do short term missions that can help the community as well as help those who go on the trip, although it will almost always help those that go more.
*It is worth it to spend the money on the trip if those that go actually are changed and if the change is one that lasts and can influence others, as well as if the community is not harmed.
*Many churches need to restructure their youth trips and mission trips in order to effectively and efficiently use their money, to continue to help youth grow, and to help communities in need.
*Read Jo Ann Van Engen and Kurt VerBeek’s findings if you are interested in learning more about the research done behind these findings:
www.ajshonduras.org/joann%27sarticle.pdf
www.calvin.edu/academic/sociology/staff/kurt.htm
*Kurt and Jo An are working on a curriculum for an ideal short term mission trip that I think will be very valuable for future trips

What would be an ideal Short Term Mission Trip?
Before the Trip:
-Learn about the culture
-Meet with the group before going on the trip several times to prepare
-Have an experienced leader
-Contact the community to have a common vision
-Establish realistic goals for the group and personal goals
-Pray
-Plan the projects
-Think about donating the same amount of money that it takes to get there. For example, if the plane costs $500, you also have to donate $500.

During the Trip:
-Work with realistic needs of the community, and ask them what they are
-Teach valuable things
-Share spiritual aspects with each other and depending on the community, with the community as well
-Have support groups within the group
-Invite people from the community to share their experiences
-Learn about the community, how can we change to our fullest while here, its not only working for the community but also learning about the community

After the Trip:
-Have support groups
-Measure your goals
-Have accountability groups
-Maintain contact with the community
-Evaluate the trip to make it better

Ketchup Addiction

I think I have a ketchup addiction, among many other things. Every day I am served beans, tajadas (friend platanoes) and tortillas with a side of ketchup. Some people are sick of the food, but I love it, until we ran out of ketchup. For 2 days the food was bland...and I realized that I have a ketchup addiction.

Today Jimena told me with tears in her eyes that she is going to miss me so much when I go home and that a little piece of her heart is going to come with me in my pocket when I go. She has a new obsession with Liana (my 4 year old cousin in Rockford) after seeing her on video chat today. She can't believe that Liana likes to draw, color, run, ride bikes, and play with toys just like she does! She is sure that when she comes to visit me when she gets bigger that Liana is going to be her best friend! I showed her pictures of sand castles that Liana and I made together today and she said "But Alison, she isn't your little sister right?" and I said "Nope, she's my cousin" and she said "Oh Phew! I'm your only little sister then!" (A bit of jealousy going on :)

Also, Jimena wore pink leggings with a little jean skirt today, and when I saw her I said "Wow Jimena! You look SO cute today!" and she turned to her Mom and very dramatically said "Oh Mom! Why didn't you put this on me when Isaac was here?" I don't think I have ever laughed so hard, which made her put her hands on her hips and say "What?!"

I went to a Catholic Mass today with my Aunt and her Mom who is dying of cancer (she was given 2 months to live), and the Mom (Doña Teresa) wept during the church. It was a very sad but peaceful thing to see. I don't understand everything about catholicism, but there was also a teenage boy who wouldn't get off his knees in dedication to the Virgin Mary until his prayer request was granted. He crawled and knelt for 2 hours while sobbing his heart out, and his family stood around him supporting him and praying.

21 more days and 21 more New Things

1. Jimena learned the secret of the middle finger. She whips it out ALL the time!
2. Garlic and Salt is not the same thing that you put on bread. It is Salt with a hint of Garlic. We ended up scraping the bread after it was all done because it was so salty!
3. We found Jimena's secret stash of letters to Isaac under the bed. All 59 of them neatly folded in little squares ready to be mailed....she hid them because she found out we were throwing them away!
4. The Internet went ka-put for a while...now it is just back to being picky.
5. The lukewarm showers turned to ice water.
6. The sunsets are prettier!
7. Whoever said November would be a cooler month is a lier!
8. My phone service has not failed to text message me every morning this month at 7 am, before I need to wake up.
9. Although I didn't think it was possible, Jenga is not fun anymore! It has worn itself out!
10. Jimena only has 3 more blank pages in MY notebook to "do homework" with me...I am going to have to be creative for these last few weeks! For some reason her notebook are definitely NOT as cool as mine!
11. The new Colombian TV show is called EL CAPO, and it is VERY intense.
12. Our favorite dancer won in a show similar to Dancing with the Stars, and my family pranked me into "talking" with the winners grandma, which was actually a recording. At least it was funny for them.
13. Spending the entire day in the back of a pickup truck is VERY fun until 2 days later.
14. The dogs.....enough said.
15. The walk to school was long in the beginning, short in the middle, and now every day it seems a bit longer.
16. Jimena just realized that my Mom and Isaac don't speak Spanish...she was devastated!
17. Andre (my brother) is on vacation until February (like our summer vacation). This means he has a LOT of free time on his hands that he fills with trying to scare me. The other day, I was walking up the stairs at 10:30pm after a long day, and he scared me so bad I almost ran all the way back down the stairs.
18. I went on an official ant hunt. I killed over 200 small ants (they are the only bug I kill), and woke up the next morning with the ants swarming my toothbrush. I then planted traps around my room, and when the long line of ants started coming from the ceiling, I plugged the holes. Still didn't work but it was pretty fun.
19. My hair is officially long again.
20. I know longer care when ants crawl out of my laptop, because I know they are burning inside.
21. I will miss my honduran family a lot, and I am praying for the right words to say when I have to leave, especially with Jimena. I did not expect it to be this hard.

Happy Thanksgiving!

A bit of culture shock...

I have the house to myself because my family went to a school presentation, but I have class in an hour so I couldn't go. I had forgotten what a bit of peace and quiet felt like!

My host Dad came home while I was on vacation, so when I got home I met him again for the second time. That means there's money in the house, so my 11 year old brother got a sweet cell phone, my host Mom got her nails done, and my little sister got a bushel full of toys. On Saturday morning, we went to a beauty salon to get Andre's haircut. I had a bit of culture shock, as all the ladies getting their hair done gossiped about everyone they knew. They talked about my Aunt, my host Dad, my cousin, the other exchange students from Calvin, the newest girl who got pregnant, etc. I had no idea how they knew everything about everyone, and I felt a bit out of place as they were saying some pretty inappropriate things that I didn't feel comfortable knowing.

Saturday afternoon/night we went to a carnival type thing, which are very popular in Honduras and they last several months. There are mini roller coasters, ferris wheels, games, food, dancing, and lots of drinking. I played the babysitter role for a while while my host parents drank lots of beer and I took the kids on some rides and games. My host Dad gave me a fist full of money, so we rode the Worm roller coaster 6 times, did bumper cars, and won some cheap prizes at the games. (It was actually pretty cold, so we all wore sweatshirts and jackets!)

We left the house at 3:00pm and got back at 1:00am, but stayed up talking until 4:00am with one of their family friends named David. Each of the adults had bout 12-13 beers, so things got pretty funny. David is a biologist and a very smart man, and he kept giving Yaqui advice about her life, and Yaqui kept arguing back. I ended up being the mediator because they always ended the argument with my advice, and whatever I said went. I enjoyed talking to David because he has different opinons than my family about the environment, consumerism, racism, etc.

On Sunday we headed to Phanie's house for her little brothers 1st birthday party. A party would be an understatement..picture a teeny house with about 25 kids under the age of 11, with all of their parents, all talking and screaming at the same time, with twinkle twinkle and mary had a little lamb music blasting in spanish. Then picture pin the nose on the clown, and as a child is trying to pin the nose on the clown, there are 25 people huddled around screaming up, down, left, right, right there, stick it on!!!!! in the child's ear....pretty overwhelming and I was just watching!

Then there's the piñata. A big piñata attached to the electrical wire, and each kid gets 10 smacks. After the first little piece of candy falls out, all the kids dive to the floor and start fighting for the candy. Then, a parent gets up and starts shaking the piñata until the candy starts pouring out. The electrical wire breaks and the piñata falls, but it doesn't matter. All of a sudden confetti starts coming out like a blizzard, and there are 30 kids in a space the size of a car are screaming and throwing confetti everywhere.

Then there's the cutting of the cake. A candle is lit, and about 10 different versions of Happy Birthday are sung, with kids sticking their fingers in the frosting about every other word. The cake is cut, pieces are served, and everyone leaves. Apparently the cutting of the cake signifies the end of the party.

Needless to say, I am taking advantage of this hour alone in the house to start writing one of my many final exam essays for the semester. The pictures are of a Mariache man at the carnival, Jimena on one of the rides with her winter jacket, and my family eating. I also tried to put a video of the three of us on the Worm roller coaster, but Im not sure if it uploaded.